It’s true, dear readers. I fell off the weight loss wagon, was drug behind it for a few miles and then runover by an eighteen wheeler and then left for dead on the side of the road to 20 in 20 glory. For 23 straight days, I failed to go to the gym and instead filled myself with terrible foods, record amounts of booze and Thanksgiving aplenty.

I can’t even tell you how ashamed and embarrassed I am. But let me tell you how this all started – it was a dangerously slippery slope. The first week of non-gym going was medically induced: I hurt my back and was forbidden from working out, running or lifting in any way. Fair enough. The next 10 days were all about office INSANITY. 14 hour days and copious amounts of stress left me waking up, going to work, and then passing out immediately for a week and a half. Then it was Thanksgiving week and activity report week – PR people, you feel me here! I had to do 9 activity reports and then BAM! The Weatherman was here! Needless to say I spent quality time with my man while he was here for 5 days, none of which was spent in the gym. And I totally ate like a starving African child at Thanksgiving – shameful.

So last night, I went to the gym for the first time in 23 days. And I stayed there for 2.5 hours, torturing myself. I ran for 10 minutes, did a brisk, steep uphill walk for 5 minutes, elliptical for 30 minutes, weight lifting for 15 minutes, 1 hour of Zumba and spent 30 minutes in the sauna texting Ashley about all my Fat Fails and subsequent death workout.

So how much damage was done in the 23 days of bing eating and workout ignoring? If you’ll recall from my last post, I was at 139 pounds by some MIRACLE. Well, apparently I’m in the miracle  business, because my pre-workout weight from last night was 141.5 pounds – just 2.5 pounds heavier! (Should that be an exclamation point or a period? Since when do we cheer for 2.5 pound weight gains?)

So I guess you could say the damage was minimal, but I’m back on track now and focused on the 20 in 20 challenge once again! I’ll weigh myself at the gym tonight and let you know how it went down! (Like how I did that – “went down?” – that’s the power of positive thinking!)

Week 5 – how did you get here so quickly? Eeesh.

As you know, I have serious anxiety about weighing in this week, and gave serious consideration to not posting it at all. But when I started the 20 in 20 Challenge, I signed up for the good, the bad and the ugly – and that’s what I’m going to do.

Let me preface this weigh-in result with this statement: THE GYM SCALE IS FULL OF CRAP AND I DON’T BELIEVE IT FOR ONE SECOND.

Current (alleged) weight: 139 pounds

NOW BEFORE YOU GET ALL WORKED UP and start yelling at me saying things like “see, your fails weren’t that bad!” or “you’re too hard on yourself, look what you accomplished!” I’d like to say that yes, this would normally be an ASTRONOMICAL success and I would be LEAPING FOR JOY. If it were true.

But friends, there is no way on God’s green earth that that number is correct. NO WAY, I tell you. This is not one of those sick passive-aggressive attempts to attain compliments from you (as you know, I am anything but passive aggressive – if I need to tell someone what’s what, I’m totally blunt about it). This is the honest-to-goodness truth about what I think about the gym scale.

So I’m counting this week as a wash – but if the scale turns out to be correct, and next week I weigh less than I allegedly do this week, WE ARE DUE FOR SOME SERIOUS CELEBRATING!!! Because I just may hit a milestone…138 would be 10 pounds down! Let’s not get our hopes up people – but be prepared for some SERIOUS caps lock and exclamation points next week, if necessary.

Last night, I was talking to The Weatherman about today’s weigh in. I told him I didn’t even want to do it because I knew it was going to be a big failure and that I was going to put back on some of the weight I’d worked to hard to lose. I went through my Halloween FAILS with him (for the third time, as he listened patiently), told him all about my lack of motivation and the gym that day, and continued to complain about the ridiculous amount of stress I’m under and how I constantly spread myself too thin (each time vowing to slow down and relax more – yeah, right).

And do you know what he said to me?

Brittney. You are human. You are not a crazy dieting robot who lives in the gym. You’re going to make mistakes and that’s going to be okay. It’s okay to say yes to temptations, especially on a holiday! Don’t beat yourself up about this. You’re an inspiration to me and to others, and I think you’re absolutely gorgeous, no matter what.”

Sorry, ladies – he’s off the market! :)

I realized that I’ve been being way too hard on myself about this 20 in 20 Challenge. I scrutinize everything I eat, I push myself to the limit and the fun started to go out of my workouts. We can go ahead and chalk this one up to my raging over-achiever nature/psychotic Type A personality. I mean, MY WEIGHT IS ON THE INTERNET, FOR GOD’S SAKE. I can’t take this lightly! If I screw up, I’m essentially telling the whole world! (Or at least the part of the world I care about – my friends who read this blog :).)

So no matter what that scale says this week, I’m going to shake it off and continue on my path to health and fitness. It’s a marathon, not a sprint!

If you don’t know what Zumba is, look into it ASAP! Zumba is a popular workout class that mixes all styles of Latin dancing, belly dancing, African dancing and hip-hop into one fun-filled hour of sweating and smiles. You really don’t even notice that your arms hurt, heart is racing and that you’re sweating uncontrollably while failing MISERABLY at trying to keep up with the instructor (or is that just me?) – you just notice that you’re having FUN! Did I mention that the slogan for Zumba is “Ditch the workout, JOIN THE PARTY!”?!?! IT’S LIKE THEY MADE IT SPECIFICALLY FOR ME!!!

Let’s be honest – I come from a long line of Southern Baptists and we’re not allowed to dance. Granted, I do not follow this particular rule in the giant book o’Baptist rules, but I am still at a serious genetic disadvantage here. I come from a long line of people with no rhythm who can’t keep a beat, move their hips, pop anything or simultaneously shake any two body parts in oppposite directions.

But this doesn’t matter in Zumba - all that matters is that you’re having an awesome time, you’re attempting to shake what yo’ momma gave ya, and you’re burning ridiculous amounts of calories in an hour. In last night’s class, we had a dance-off: we split into two sides and then would challenge each other (a la Drumline, but with dancing). IT WAS OFF THE CHAIN.

So do yourself a favor – if your gym doesn’t have Zumba, ask for it! Or join a gym that DOES have Zumba – it’s the most fun hour of your workout week!

*By “coolest thing EVER” I mean “coolest thing EVER, second to me and the Longhorns.” However, if Zumba could incorporate a dance to “The Eyes of Texas” and teach it to me – we’d have the trifecta of AWESOME.

Ohmygosh, y’all. Halloween was the biggest FAIL in the history of FAILS. I mean really – I was out of control. It’s embarrassing. I literally ate until I was sick to my stomach and hunched over in pain – to which my family replied “Well, that’s why you shouldn’t eat that healthy crap all the time. None of us feel  bad!” Thanks, family.

So here it is – the quick and dirty list of my Halloween FAILS:

6-8 roasted marshmellows (I lost count)

Hot dog

Frito pie

5 handfuls of Lays (no, not the baked kind)

Caramel-covered pretzel

1/4 can of Coke (I DON’T EVEN LIKE SODA!)

1 Reeses pumpkin (it’s a miracle I only had one – these are like my kryptonite)

Homemade chicken and sausage gumbo

EMBARRASSING. And I usually do a WINS and FAILS post, but there were no WINS to speak of this week. Just FAIL after FAIL.

I am afraid of the weigh-in.

Well, it’s that time again! Wednesday is upon us and I know you’re all just dying to know – WILL I BE PURCHASING THAT NEW  BLOW DRYER THIS WEEKEND?!?!?!

Last week: 143.5 pounds

Stated goal: loss of 1.5 pounds

Current weight: 141.5 pounds!!!!!!!!

IT’S BLOWDRYER TIME, BABY!!! WHOO HOO!!!!!!

Next week will prove to be a daunting challenge – it’s Halloween weekend AND my BELOVED holiday lattes make their seasonal debut on Monday!!! OMG OMG OMG SO EXCITED!!! If you’ll recall, this blog all started over Starbucks’ refusal to give me my red holiday cup - let’s hope they treat me better in 2009!

This week, I decided to inspire myself with a little reward – a fancy new blowdryer – if I lost 1.5 pounds in the 20 in 20 Challenge. Now some of you may think “that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of, what kind of silly reward is a blowdryer and how much joy can it possibly bring someone?” Well, let me tell you.

I take a lot of pride in my hair. In fact, my hair and my eyes are the only things I’ve consistently felt confident about my entire life. A few extra pounds, braces and acne can really get you down in life, but no matter what happened in those realms, people always tell me I have pretty eyes and perfectly straight blonde hair–NATURAL blonde hair at that!

In fact, getting my hair cut – even in the smallest way – gives me serious anxiety. I’m always afraid they’re going to mess it up and that my life will be ruined. I usually hate my new haircuts (even though they’re usually the exact same, just an inch or so shorter) for the first few days, for no apparent reason. I got over my anxiety when living in Austin and meeting my BFF haircutter Jesse, but alas I could not bring him to Houston with me, and then I dreaded getting my hair cut for over a year.

Enter: Rebekah. Rebekah is awesome and did a great job on my hair, just like Jesse. However, Rebekah’s popularity has vastly increased and now her haircut rate is astronomical – and I can’t afford her. I went to a random girl last time and was not pleased – further progressing the anxiety.

Wow. That was quite the tangent.

Motivation. Okay. So the fancy blowdryer is my motivation because my current blowdryer is old, super hot, cheap and dries out my hair. No one likes straw-like blonde hair, trust me. And it’s winter time, so the dryness will just be exacerbated – NO GOOD. Conveniently, I’m also getting a small commission in my check this week to pay for my fancy new blowdryer – IF I manage to lose at least 1.5 pounds.

CAN I DO IT?! We will see!

PS – Does anyone have any good recommendations for a quality blowdryer?

Call me biased, but I happen to find The Weatherman smokin hot – and I think that when we are paired together, we are one really, really ridiculously good looking couple :) But don’t take my word for it – judge for yourself!

At Warehouse martini bar in Abilene

2-year anniversary dinner

Texas vs. Tech game

Texas/OU game

HA! You thought I forgot about the weigh-in today, didn’t you?! Well, I didn’t – I was just really busy at work and then had to go to a meeting and then had to upload my SUPER AWESOME pictures from Texas/OU weekend.

As you know, it was a rough week in 20 in 20 land – the exercise was slim, the FAILS were a plenty and the victory was OH SO DELICIOUS. Needless to say, I’ve been dreading the scale all week, knowing that I was NOT going to be pleased with what it told me this morning.

And you know what…

I WAS WRONG!!!*

Yes, friends, I was actually semi-pleased with my results for this week:

I shaved more than a minute off my mile time and can now comfortably run a mile in under 9 minutes (8:57 on Tuesday, but I totally could have gone faster!)

My sister told me my jeans were saggy and too big when she picked me up from the airport on Sunday.

I somehow, MIRACULOUSLY managed to LOSE half a pound this week! (Current weight: 143.5)

AND check out this picture of the skirt I wore to work today! (ignore the hip bone)

Yes, that's a solid inch away from my body!

So by my count that’s 2.5 things for this week in the grand scheme of 20 in 20! A minute off my mile time, an inch off my waistline and half a pound off the scale!

I HAVE DEFIED THE TEXAS/OU WEEKEND ODDS!!! I SHOULD GO BUY A FREAKING LOTTERY TICKET!!!

*This is the only time I’ll admit I was wrong, so please note the date and time

Let’s be honest here people – I’ve set myself up for failure at this week’s weigh-in. Between the Main Bloat, Texas/OU weekend, deep fried DELICIOUSNESS and a complete lack of exercise (okay, not COMPLETE – details below), I am praying to the 20 in 20 gods that the gain is minimal this week.

So let’s just run through the list of Texas/OU weekend wins and fails, shall we?

1. Friday afternoon: I head to IAH to fly to Dallas where The Weatherman is to pick me up. I was given misinformation about my flight terminal TWICE, resulting in my SPRINTING through THREE terminals trying to find my plane and making it with 3 minutes to spare before scheduled takeoff. Only to find that my flight was delayed by 30 minutes. Sprinting = WIN! Delay = FAIL.

2. Friday night: Head to the hotel to pick up my 8th row, Texas side tickets to the big game, ONLY TO STAND IN A LINE FOR ALMOST 2 HOURS BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE MY TICKETS. After many threats of violence, I walked away with 7th row, OU side tickets and $400 of my $500 back (face value was $95, so I got 2 tickets for the price of 1). Getting paid to go to Texas/OU = WIN! Standing in line for 2 hours starving = FAIL.

3. Late Friday night: Dinner at DELICIOUS burger bar in Uptown Dallas. Let’s just say there was no shame in my game for devouring a turkey burger, sweet potato fries and a pomegranate martini (antioxidants?!?!), IN RECORD TIME. FAIL.

4. Saturday morning: Breakfast at La Madeline – fruit, yogurt and granola parfait with small almond latte. WIN? I mean, it could have been a lot worse…

5. Saturday morning: Hop on the DART train to the Cotton Bowl for the game, all decked out in my brand new Colt McCoy jersey, ONLY TO SIT ON THE TRAIN FOR 2 HOURS AFTER IT BROKE DOWN 3 MILES FROM THE STADIUM AND WE MISSED THE 1STHALF OF THE 1ST QUARTER. The Weatherman and I then decided to get off the train and SPRINT (LITERALLY) the entire distance to the Cotton Bowl and up to our seats, making it with 6 minutes left in the 1st quarter, but Texas down by 6 already (CLEARLY THEY NEEDED ME THERE!) DART train = FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL. 3 mile sprint that didn’t even leave me winded = WIN! Texas being behind when we got there = FAIL.

6. Saturday, 3 p.m.: TEXAS WINS!!!!!! WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN!!!!!!!!!!

7. Saturday: 3:01 p.m.: State Fair deep fried goodness.  I exercised self control and only had one item – the deep fried s’mores. Eating deep fried s’mores = FAIL. Eating only one deep fried thing in a sea of BILLIONS of deep fried things = WIN?

8. Saturday night: VICTORY DINNER at Mattito’s with Ashley, Kristine, Kelsey, Andrew, The Weatherman and a host of new burt orange-clad friends. We all donned what I affectionately dubbed WINNER GEAR (aka burnt orange clothing/what we wore to the game) at dinner (well, except for The Weatherman – he went neural as to not be identified as the OU guy) and Ashley was kind enough to research the menu for the healthy items. I may or may not have eaten a basket of chips. But no margaritas! Healthy option = WIN? Basket of chips = FAIL. Willpower to not have margaritas = WIN!

9. Sunday night: Sissy picks me up at the airport and we head to Cafe Adobe for some fun bonding and dinner. I ONCE AGAIN eat my body weight in chips, but did opt for fish tacos (are they healthy?). Let’s go ahead and chalk this one up to a FAIL.

10. Monday morning, 5 a.m.: Alarm goes off. I hate my life. I do not want to go to the gym, but somehow I muster up the courage to do so. AND I RUN MY FASTEST MILE TIME IN HISTORY. I did it in 9:10 but could have easily done it in under 9 minutes. WHO AM I RIGHT NOW?

Preliminary scale analysis shows that there has been a gain this week, but the damage is minimal. I will be kicking my butt for the next 2 days and making ONLY great food choices to try and break even!

WISH ME LUCK!